God bless Ed Wood Jr and all his horrible movies. I hope he’s in heaven somewhere working hard on his next film. And if there is no heaven and when we die we just turn off and simply stop existing, well, then I hope he is in that nothingness, wearing a dress, and still making the worst movies ever.
Because I love bad movies like this. Sometimes I wish I watched nothing but bad movies. Problem is, most bad movies aren’t fun to watch at all. Most bad movies are just boring. Watching them makes me feel crummy and malnourished.
Classics like Bride Of The Monster are rare. Sure, it has all the standard bad movie stuff that make it fun to laugh at. It has non stop, mind blowing, plot holes. It has crappy dialogue that makes the actor’s sound stoned. The sets look like something out of a high school play. There’s all that fun stuff. But there is another quality that makes Ed Wood movies endearing. I don’t know what it is. It’s a spiritual thing. Like a round butt. Or the way a dogs feet sometimes smell like corn chips. Or the taste of apple cider in the fall. Watching bad movies feels downright soulful. I wish I could travel back in time and find some of old hermetic Zenned out Chinese mountain poets, like Du Fu, Wang Wei, or Han Shan(aka Cold Mountain). We could drink wine and watch Bride Of The Monster, staring a doped up Bela Lugosi playing a mad scientist. And his henchman played by the bewildered wrestler, Tor Johnson. Both such fine actors. But the best performance in the movie by far… the rubber octopus. It just lies there and does not move. It’s profound. I am sure the old time mountain poets would love this movie. They would love it so much. And thus course of literature would be changed FOREVER!